I'm going to be really honest and say that I remain unconvinced by the resolution of your story; a pirate ship 'crashes' into some mountains, pirate gets on cable car... and your third act is very weak (though I did smile at the idea of the pirate walking off his own plank). I still think your biggest problem is your preoccupation with the stereotypical view of the pirate as being a sea-faring character; it's just skewing all other possibilities; after all, in Act 1, you get rid of the pirate ship almost at once; your pirate character could be any kind of character really; if he's going to steal the passenger's riches, why not make him a modern 'pirate' instead? I think your stuck in a very conventional rut, and I urge you to climb out and look afresh at the possibilities for your story...
did you check out any of these suggestions after we spoke?
From Where Eagles Dare...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPXNKx1lDkA
and from Moonraker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcHVXwC0roY
I just don't think you're 'using' the cable-care in any real way...
Also, I notice that you've chosen the Blair Witch Project to re-storyboard... isn't this a rather odd decision, Ben? As the entire point of that film was that it was made without storyboards - that it was created out of part-IMPROVISED footage in the editing room afterwards. I wasn't asking you to simply 're-draw' a sequence, I was asking you to understand how editors/directors construct scenes in pre-production! The Blair Witch wasn't pre-produced in this way...
The Blair Witch makes a good subject for your written assignment, but in order to talk about it in any meaningful sense, you need to understand 'cinema verite'; you should also be discussing films like Cloverfield, The Fourth Kind and Paranormal Activity to demonstrate how the 'mockumentary' genre has developed because of the success of the Blair Witch.
Please see the following 2 comments for more general guidance re, the written assignment - but particularly, Ben, I want you to concentrate on the advice about developing a more formal and disciplined style; your essays tend to be a bit waffly - lots of words, but not so much content. Please take some time to look at the suggestions and take them on board and into your written work.
Interim Online Review 16/02/2010
ReplyDeleteHey Ben(ga),
I'm going to be really honest and say that I remain unconvinced by the resolution of your story; a pirate ship 'crashes' into some mountains, pirate gets on cable car... and your third act is very weak (though I did smile at the idea of the pirate walking off his own plank). I still think your biggest problem is your preoccupation with the stereotypical view of the pirate as being a sea-faring character; it's just skewing all other possibilities; after all, in Act 1, you get rid of the pirate ship almost at once; your pirate character could be any kind of character really; if he's going to steal the passenger's riches, why not make him a modern 'pirate' instead? I think your stuck in a very conventional rut, and I urge you to climb out and look afresh at the possibilities for your story...
did you check out any of these suggestions after we spoke?
From Where Eagles Dare...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPXNKx1lDkA
and from Moonraker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcHVXwC0roY
I just don't think you're 'using' the cable-care in any real way...
Also, I notice that you've chosen the Blair Witch Project to re-storyboard... isn't this a rather odd decision, Ben? As the entire point of that film was that it was made without storyboards - that it was created out of part-IMPROVISED footage in the editing room afterwards. I wasn't asking you to simply 're-draw' a sequence, I was asking you to understand how editors/directors construct scenes in pre-production! The Blair Witch wasn't pre-produced in this way...
The Blair Witch makes a good subject for your written assignment, but in order to talk about it in any meaningful sense, you need to understand 'cinema verite'; you should also be discussing films like Cloverfield, The Fourth Kind and Paranormal Activity to demonstrate how the 'mockumentary' genre has developed because of the success of the Blair Witch.
Please see the following 2 comments for more general guidance re, the written assignment - but particularly, Ben, I want you to concentrate on the advice about developing a more formal and disciplined style; your essays tend to be a bit waffly - lots of words, but not so much content. Please take some time to look at the suggestions and take them on board and into your written work.